Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Biscuit Mystery Update

For months now I've been staring gloomily at the biscuit shelves in the local supermarket, unable to fathom why they no longer sell plain hobnobs, my favourite biscuits. And then trudging home rather morosely clutching a packet of some inferior brand to eat with a cup of tea.

There seemed to be no possible reason why these biscuits had disappeared from the supermarket. The finest minds were baffled. It just didn't make sense. Sources informed me they were still available in other locations but they had completely vanished from my locality. The shelves were bulging with chocolate hobnobs and all other types of cookies but there was just no sign of my preferred brand.

And then, yesterday, I wandered round into the next aisle and there they were! The supermarket had moved all the plain biscuits round the corner. I hadn't realised this. I've been staring at the wrong shelf for months.

Naturally, I was outraged. I was tempted to storm up to the customer desk and give them a piece of my mind for their frankly duplicitous behaviour. But I do have to be careful. Being agoraphobic, this supermarket is the only one within range, so I can't really afford to be thrown out of the place. Which did come close to happening on one occasion, during the great potato mis-pricing scandal of 2004.

So I controlled my desire to abuse the staff, and instead loaded up my basket with hobnobs. All in all, I felt happier as I wandered home. It was treacherous of the supermarket to move these biscuits - they should know I can't cope with this sort of thing - but on the other hand, normal service at my house has now been restored. I am now full of tea and biscuits. Possibly my writing will go better now. My sequel to Lonely Werewolf Girl has been coming along rather slowly, but this might have been because of an inadequate food supply.


  1. It's not just hobnobs. Supermarkets move stuff all the time. And the put things in random places. Before Christmas I eventually found nutcrackers in the wine section rather than, as seems obvious, either near the nuts or near the kitchen implements.

    I think it's a conspiracy. Endless mobs of people wandering around a supermarket for hours looking for some item are likely to by other things that they pass by.

  2. Anonymous11:12 am

    Martin if the supermarket reorganisation has prohibited, in any way, the steady stream of brain nurturing lonely werewolf girl sequel inducing hob nobs; I am willing to scrape of the chocolate in order to further progress. I will endeavour to do this carefully so as to show no trace of the brown sweetener that once encased the hallowed biccie. Clearly I am rather bored at work... Why are you reading this? Write! Write! ;)

  3. Anonymous9:07 pm

    Remove all thoughts of biscuit shortages / movement from your mind. Buy / download / pilfer / purloin etc the Lightspeed Champion cd. Wow ! Fabulous and seemingly appearing from nowhere. Like the first time I heard This Charming Man. Nothing like it.... except just blows away everything else I have heard for an age ....and just when I was trying to cultivate an interest in British Sea Power. Hey ho...

  4. Anonymous10:56 pm

    A sequel! Huzzah! Don't stint yourself on hobnobs and tea, if that's what it takes.