New British edition of The Good Fairies of New York

Piatkus will be publishing their edition of The Good Fairies of New York on the 10th January. Although this book has been available here as an import from America, it's quite a while since it actually had a publisher in Britain. Waterstone's are promoting the book in January and February, so I hope to see bundles of the book lying around on tables in their shops. It's good if you can get your books lying around in bundles on these tables near the front of the stores, but it can be a difficult thing to achieve.

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My heart raced as I read that Scarlett Johansson's marriage has come to an end. The poor woman will definitely be in need of some comforting. It's time to relaunch my plan of hanging round in hotels looking forlorn, in the hope that I can meet the beautiful Scarlett and establish some sort of Lost in Translation-type relationship. I have the camouflage t-shirt ready and everything, and can do the Bill Murray ageing desperation part no problem at all. I have Just Like Honey ready to play in a big final scene. As long as Scarlett has the pink wig with her, everything will be just perfect.

Chinese Good Fairies

Here's the cover of the new Chinese language edition of the Good Fairies of New York, to be published at the end of this month in Taiwan. ( ISBN 9789861736518 )



My name in Chinese, I think  -  馬汀．米勒

(I'm saying 'Chinese' here, but that's probably not quite accurate, because there are different types of written Chinese.)

Here's some of the blurb from the back cover -



Notice the important words, in brackets in English - Jane Austen, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Sex Pistols.  Good choices! I'm pleased to be known as a fan of Buffy, Jane Austen and the Sex Pistols. All three were at the top of their genre.

It also mentions Thraxas. I am at this moment planning to write a new Thraxas story, and publish it as an ebook. This will happen some time, though I'm not certain when.

Les Petites Fées de New York

I've been too dull and uninspired to write anything interesting in my blog for a while.

Here are two books, due out soon. There's a French edition of The Good Fairies of New York - Les Petites Fées de New York - coming out on the 18th April, from Editions Intervalles. It's taken a long time for this book to be published in France and I'm glad it's made it eventually. And Soft Skull in the USA will publish a new edition of Lux the Poet in May. I'm pleased to have Lux back in print.

...

Other than that, not much happening. A mysterious insect bite on my foot left me limping around for a few days. Stupid wildlife. However, it did give me an excuse to do nothing except lie on the couch reading manga, and Buffy comics. I always like an excuse to lie on the couch, doing nothing. OK, I don't really need an excuse.

Apart from working on the sequel to Lonely Werewolf Girl, I've been writing with my friend Doon MacKichan. We wrote a play together some years ago, a version of Jane Austin's Emma. That was quite successful. Now she's planning a one-woman show, hopefully for later this year.

Forum per fans italiani di Ragazze Lupo

An Italian reader tells me she's started a forum for Ragazze Lupo, the Italian version of Lonely Werewolf Girl. It's here. So if you happen to be Italian, I recommend going and registering and leaving some posts on her forum.

My agent has sold rights for Chinese translations of Lonely Werewolf Girl and The Good Fairies of New York. Well, when I say Chinese I mean complex, or traditional, Chinese, which is used for writing in Taiwan, Macau and Hong Kong. As opposed to Mainland China, which writes with simplified Chinese. (I may have got this completely wrong, and just insulted billions of Chinese. If so, I apologise) But anyway, some Chinese versions of these books will appear in a while, which is all to the good.

I was obliged to do some travelling, for family reasons. This was extremely stressful. When it was over I sank onto the couch in front of the TV and resolved never to move again. I will spend the rest of my life slumped on the couch watching TV. Watched Spiderman 3. Terrible film. Hurled abuse at the screen during some particularly awful scenes. Was mollified by old episodes of Star Trek Voyager, during which I continued to lust after Seven of Nine in a cheerfully nerdish manner.

Among the multitude of household accidents to which I'm prone, I think the 'bike pedal against ankle' is the most painful. You leave your bike in the hall and walk past it without thinking, and then your ankle crashes into the pedal. It's so painful. I seem to do it quite often. Suspect I have clumsy genes, for which there is no cure.

Meandering On

Am buoyed by various recent events -

* Mass market edition of The Good Fairies of New York selling like hot cakes. Do things still sell like hot cakes? I can't think of another expression. Anyway it's selling well.

* This good review of Lonely Werewolf Girl in Bookslut. Bookslut is a really fine name for a literary site. Good site too.

* Only nine days till first Arsenal pre-season friendly. All Arsenal pre-season friendlies now shown on TV, even the most obscure matches against non-league opposition. This is more like it, it's what I pay the cable company for.

* Watching Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered, an episode of Buffy from season two, and always one of my favourites. Xander's love-spell goes disastrously wrong and everyone falls in love with him except Cordelia. Even vampire Drusilla falls in love with him. I never tire of this episode.

* Healthy leek and potato soup from the supermarket. Well, they say it's healthy. It comes in a cardboard carton instead of a can so that seems quite healthy, really.

Spirits dampened only slightly by sore leg. Probably only a strained muscle, but may in course of time turn out to be a serious wasting disease which will eventually confine me to a wheelchair, we'll just have to wait and see how this turns out.

Missing Stickers

My new Naruto manga is wrapped in plastic, which is unusual. Inside there are free stickers. Aha. The plastic wrapping was to prevent unscrupulous people from stealing the stickers in the shop. But what's this? A list of the four editions of Naruto that include free stickers.

I read the list. There should have been free stickers in issue 18. I bought issue 18 from this shop. There weren't any stickers in my copy. I inquire at the counter. They don't know anything about it. I let the matter go. After all, I'm too old and mature to be worrying about free stickers.

But really, I'm not pleased. I want my free stickers. Arrive home quite dissatisfied. You can't just sell comics minus the free stickers. It's not right. I wonder if I could write to the publisher and ask for them?

'Dear Sirs, the children at my local orphanage were very disappointed not to receive their free stickers from Naruto volume 18...'

Despite sticker disappointment, I was quite pleased about successful excursion, having managed to travel a short distance on a bus and not feel too bad about it. Agoraphobia generally still a big problem. May be slightly improving. Find email from my agent about upcoming French book-deal for The Good Fairies of New York. Good, I've never made that much progress in France before.

Get on internet to investigate whole 'free stickers' scandal. Discover that other people did get them. Hmm. My mouse suddenly stops working. How annoying. Try shaking it. No effect. Try poking it, but there's nothing really to poke on an optical mouse. No moving parts. Poke it anyway. No effect. Shake it around. Tap it on the desk. Still not working. Shake it again. Hit it firmly. No improvement. Beat it angrily against the wall. Mouse disintegrates. Use track-pad on laptop to order new mouse from computer store.

I want these Naruto stickers. I bought the comic. I should have them. It's lucky I'm not the sort of person to obsess about this sort of thing.

Films Comics Therapy

While meandering round the comic shop after a frankly unsatisfactory session with my therapist - this woman may cause me to progress from being agoraphobic to actually being a hermit - the theme music from Buffy the Vampire Slayer suddenly started playing. I was pleased. So pleased in fact that I launched into a Buffy conversation with the shop assistant standing beside me. But this did not go well. He wasn't a fan of Buffy, and furthermore he obviously had no desire to discuss it with a stranger who was apparently prepared for an in-depth analysis of all 144 episodes. He backed off rapidly, leaving me rather embarrassed. I realised ruefully that assistants in comic shops have no desire to engage in tedious conversations with over-enthusiastic customers. Which is understandable, I suppose. Probably if I worked in a comic shop I'd hate the customers. I left the shop quickly, still feeling quite embarrassed.

Last week I signed a film option for Lonely Werewolf Girl. I've signed many film options for my books in the past, and no film has ever appeared. It's difficult for producers to raise the necessary money. This producer however is very enthusiastic, with a good track record, and I do have faith in her. So perhaps she might succeed. But I won't expect too much, because of past disappointments. The American producers who currently hold the option for The Good Fairies of New York are still optimistic of making progress, though nothing much seems to have happened yet.

I've taken a violent dislike to my website, and am now attempting to redesign it. This is a challenge, as I have no art or design skills. Still, I've never let this stop me in the past.

Heating engineers currently 'waiting for parts'. Hah.

No Heat

I woke up this morning to find my heating had stopped working. Called heating engineers. They will arrived to fix it at some indeterminate time in the future.

To get me by, I dragged out an old convector heater from the cupboard. Plugged it in. It didn't work. Damn. Was plunged into crisis. Though last week was pleasantly sunny, today is cold. I can't stand the cold. I have no warmth inside me. I need a source of heat. Sometimes when I've arrived home after being cold outside, I've found it impossible to warm up again, and needed to make a hot water bottle.

So on a cold day, with no heating, things were looking grim. I dealt with the crisis by hurrying to the cheap shop which sells everything, and buying a new convection heater. It warms up the room nicely. Probably at ruinous expense, but it will get me by till the heating is fixed. I can't stand being cold. Hmm. Maybe I should live somewhere warmer.

Have abandoned all efforts at working. Till my heating is repaired I'm lying on the couch wrapped in a quilt, with the convection heater beside me. Fortunately, I have a new bundle of manga to read. I really like Naruto, It's a great comic. I wish I was a ninja with amazing ninja powers.

Or maybe I wish I was Catiline, a strong and rebellious figure in Ancient Rome who, I remember, was described by Cicero as being completely indifferent to the effects of either great heat or great cold. That would be good. You wouldn't catch Catiline shivering under a quilt. Still, Catiline was killed when his rebellion failed, so maybe he'd have been better off just lying on a couch anyway. Which, of course, Romans were keen on doing.

Tor will publish its mass-market paperback of The Good Fairies of New York in America in June. The Soft Skull edition of The Good Fairies has already sold more copies than any book I've had published before, and this will make it more widely available. Soon you won't be able to move anywhere without bumping into a copy. Tor are a very large publisher, so I hope it works out well. Here is some Good Fairies wallpaper, from Pablo Defendini's cover art for the book.

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Literary Secretary

Have again attempted to outrage public decency, and earn a little cash, with a story in new issue of Skin Two fetish magazine (#59). As you can see, they've used a photo of my new 'literary secretary' on the cover. She's pictured here just after taking some notes for my new novel.

Hmmm. Parts of the above paragraph may not be entirely true. But I did write the story.

My local library just charged me £1 'administrative charges' for a new ticket, after I lost my readers card! I mean, really. I was outraged. Damn it, it only took them 15 seconds to make me a new one. Administrative charges. Ha.

Once the shock of handing over £1 had receded, I borrowed E M Forster's Passage to India. I've never read Forster but I heard an interesting programme about him on Radio 4. I particularly admired the fact that for the last 46 years of his life, he didn't write any books all. I can see the attraction in this. Just write a few novels early on, then settle down comfortably on the couch for the next 46 years. It sounds great.

Lonely Werewolf Girl and The Good Fairies of New York are currently part of a promotion at some branches of Barnes and Noble in the USA, meaning both books are currently piled up on tables prominently displayed inside the shops. Which I would like to see, actually, as it's not often that I've been well-promoted. I could ask the publisher Soft Skull to send me a picture.

Fairies in Romania

The Good Fairies of New York was published this week in Romania, by Tritonic. Zinele Punkiste Din New York. I really like the cover. It's the first time I've been published in Romania. Once more, the publisher has used the introduction by Neil Gaiman, and this introduction has been a big help in getting the book published in various countries.

The publisher, Bugdan Hrib, and a Romanian journalist, Horia Ursu, are in Britain for the Eastercon. I met them in Crystal Palace and did a brief interview. Also, they bought me beer.

Once more being obliged to travel to Croydon - stupid agoraphobia therapy - I intended to march resolutely past the comic shop, without going in. Because I seem to have bought rather a lot of Japanese comics recently. But then I thought I might as well just take a quick look. Unfortunately, once inside, I discovered that they had a three-for-the-price-of-two offer on their manga. I was powerless to resist. Emerged some time later, weighed down with large bundle of new Japanese graphic novels. Felt some sense of shame at my weakness. Still, as everyone knows, when you hand over your credit card, you're not really spending any money.

Have secured new inflatable pillow, and plan to spend several days lying comfortably in the bath, reading manga.

Ragazze Lupo

Lonely Werewolf Girl comes out in Italy at the end of March, published by Fazi, under the title of Ragazze Lupo. Here it is on the publisher's website. So that will be the first foreign translation of Lonely Werewolf Girl and I'm very pleased about it. The Good Fairies of New York was quite successful in Italy so I'm optimistic about the prospects for this.

American and Greek editions are on the way. Annoyingly, the German publisher of The Good Fairies of New York doesn't want to publish Lonely Werewolf Girl. This seems strange, as their German edition of The Good Fairies has remained in print for many years. Anyway, my agents are actively looking for a new German publisher.

As recently threatened, I am now clad in a new Suzy Quatro T-shirt, and am wearing it at this moment. It's a really fine garment. I would put a picture here, if I actually had a working camera, which I don't at the moment. I may be the only person in the Western hemisphere without a camera. Must rectify this soon.

And now I must return to the couch, for a fortifying sleep, as I'll need my strength later for watching football. There are matches on Saturday, Sunday and Monday, and this is quite a tough schedule, as I do a lot of shouting and shaking my fist at the TV.

Book Stuff, Arsenal

Not a huge amount happening round these parts. I've spent the greater part of my time on the couch watching football, and am pleased with Arsenal's excellent start to the season. Who'd have thought that Adebayor would score so many goals?

The Italian contracts arrived for Lonely Werewolf Girl, which will be the first foreign translation. So that's good. I haven't signed the contract for the American edition yet, but if all goes to plan, it should be published in the USA next April.

Meanwhile, you will hate yourself forever if you don't take advantage of the opportunity to buy a fine signed copy of Lonely Werewolf Girl from my own sales page at lonelywerewolfgirl.co.uk. Really, failure to do so will be a blunder from which you may never recover. I urge you to buy it, simply for your own good, before your life collapses in ruins.

The picture is a draft of the cover art for the new Tor edition of The Good Fairies of New York, coming out in America next June.

Mass Market Fairies

Life has been quiet, as I go about my normal practice of spending the day comatose on the couch, with occasional shuffling through to the kitchen to make tea, or over to the computer to check my email. Other than that, no activity at all. I have been commissioned to write a story, but as it hasn't gone very well I've just abandoned it, and will now hope it somehow miraculously finishes itself.

* Surely this man is doomed to end his days sleeping in a cardboard box in the supermarket car park *

Yes, you may be right. I've always assumed that's what going to happen. However, against my expectations, the American edition of The Good Fairies of New York has sold really well. It's now sold more copies in the USA than any of my books have in Britain. Because of this, Tor - world's largest science fiction publisher - are going to issue it next year as a mass-market paperback, thus making it more widely available and, presumably, selling more copies.

So perhaps I will not end my days in the supermarket car park after all, holding out a McDonald's slurpee cup for pennies, but will instead earn enough money to remain warm and cosy on the couch, watching my collection of Buffy videos and occasionally shaking my fist at the football on TV.

Lonely Werewolf Girl will also come out in the USA next year. It strikes me that it's worth reminding you that if Lonely Werewolf Girl eventually sweeps the world, you'll regret even more that you didn't buy a copy right now from my website, because if you do you're getting a signed first edition. This will be worth a vast amount of money in the future, with book collectors wringing their hands in despair, crying out "Oh, if only I could find a signed first edition of that book, I'd pay anything for it." And then you'll have a highly valuable item, probably valuable enough for you to retire to that luxury villa in France you've always wanted. So don't say I didn't warn you.

Good Fairies

My agent is negotiating another film option for The Good Fairies of New York. This will be the third time the book's been optioned. Neither of the previous two options came to anything. In fact, the last producer reneged on a payment, plunging me into financial crisis.

But who knows? Perhaps the thistle fairies Heather and Morag will make it onto the screen this time, thus enabling me to move to Hollywood and lounge around a swimming pool, surrounded by glamorous young starlets. I remain optimistic.

Good Fairies, Bacchanalian orgies

The Good Fairies of New York has now made it into British Bookshops. Rather belatedly: it was meant to be here in March. It was partly with this date in mind that I set the publication date for Lonely Werewolf Girl for June, to leave a gap of a few months. Now with The Good Fairies arriving late, the two dates are almost running into each other.

I don't think this is such a good thing. It's hard enough trying to get books into bookshops, without asking them to take two different titles in a short space of time. Pleased as I am to have The Good Fairies back in print, I don't want it to harm sales of my new book.

But who knows, it's difficult to predict these things. Perhaps it won't make any difference. Perhaps it will help.

Well, I failed in my attempt to reply to all my recent email and messages. I just didn't answer everyone. Which leads to a rather familiar feeling of guilt. Ever since I made my first website, in 1997 I think, I've received quite a lot of friendly correspondence. I like this, and I always try to answer, but sometimes I don't manage. Then I feel guilty about it. I expect people hate me for not answering. Ho Hum.

Possible reasons for not answering email:

Ennui renders me unable to get off the couch

Despair at having to do stuff

Too much football on TV

Despair at Arsenal's poor form

Distracted by OCD/agoraphobia

Completely defeated by life

New Buffy comics arrive

48 hour Sabrina the Teenage Witch marathon on the Disney Channel

And then of course, since I wrote the story for Skin Two fetish magazine, there has been the almost continual stream of visitors, as the world's most glamourous and kinky women stream towards my house, eager to join in with the Bacchanalian orgies. So I have been very busy, what with all the bondage and spanking and stuff, and then making tea for everyone afterwards. I always endeavour to be a polite host. And this all takes it out of me, as I'm not as young as I was, and need a good rest after these endeavours.

Fake Reviews

Checked amazon.com to see how sales of The Good Fairies of New York are doing in America. Still seems to be going OK. Glanced at the customer reviews, seems to be doing fine with them too, which saves me the trouble of faking any. I’m not above faking the occasional customer review on Amazon, to boost sales.

I am untroubled by bad reviews, in the press or by customers, but I figure faking a few good reviews on Amazon is a legitimate way of promoting your own books. Well, legitimate in the sense of lying and cheating. Still, I’ve not been obliged to do this in this case.

* Martin Millar is top author, buy all his books *

My agreement with the distributors was that The Good Fairies was meant to be re-released in Britain in March. Now it seems to be April. I don’t know why that is, and I can‘t be bothered to find out. It will arrive soon anyway.

So. April, The Good Fairies of New York arrives back in Britain. June, Lonely Werewolf Girl comes out. Around September I should once more be an international star of literature, invited to Hollywood to write movies and party with glamorous starlets. Yes, things seem to be moving in the right direction.

Good Fairies in Transylvania / agoraphobia

The Good Fairies of New York will be published in Romania next year, so the fairies will soon be fluttering their way over Transylvania. I'm pleased at this, though I doubt it will earn me any money. It seems like a long time since I actually earned any money. Did I mention my career hadn't gone well in recent years?

* yes, several times. *

Well, I just thought I'd mention it again. It is my blog after all, and I'm entitled to complain about stuff.

Not unconnected to career not going well, I once more failed in a bus journey, being defeated by agoraphobia. This definitely has the upper hand at the moment. Ho Hum.

Agoraphobia didn't exactly prevent me from writing - in fact you might think it would give me a lot of time for it - but the attendant anxiety did, and the OCD, which seemed to come with it. I did mean to write something in these blogs about OCD, but so far I haven't got round to it. It's a strange condition though, and difficult to explain. Fortunately, I've found it more susceptible to therapy and self-help than the agoraphobia, so it's a good deal better than it used to be.

Also fortunately, I don't suffer from depression. In fact, I'm a reasonably optimistic person. I'm sure the re-emergence of The Good Fairies, and the upcoming appearance of Lonely Werewolf Girl, will greatly improve things, leading to fame, money, and a sordid affair with Angelina Jolie, carried out in motel rooms while Brad is away in Africa, adopting more children.

Mention of Transylvania reminds me that Buffy actually met Dracula one time. Not one of my favourite episodes, but not as bad as I feared it might be. A few days ago I came across Buffy on Sky, and, once more, was unable to resist watching, though it was again an episode I've seen many times. The Prom. Ah. The Buffy prom was so great, I couldn't do it justice here.

Here's a moment that never fails to bring a tear to my eye, as Jonathan presents Buffy with the Class Protector Award.

Unanswered questions from this episode - who was Jonathan's date? How did he find someone to take to the prom?

Some end of year things

Agoraphobia: Not going so well. Still waiting for next course of therapy. I haven’t been making the effort I should to get over it. Despite this, it’s not quite as severe as it once was. However, I really should be making more effort.

The Good Fairies of New York: Re-issue doing well in USA. Well-reviewed, being reprinted, film rights sold. It will reach Britain in March.

Lonely Werewolf Girl: Crawling nearer to readiness. It will be published some time in 2007. Simon Fraser has drawn a brilliant cover.

Thraxas: I have a rough draft of a new Thraxas novel finished. This needs a lot more work, but I’m not doing this work just now because of the extreme slowness of negotiations between my agent and Baen. Why this has taken so long, I don’t know.

Lying on couch watching TV: I’m doing well at this. Have many new cable channels. Unfortunately most of my favourite programmes ended. I’m currently awaiting new series of Veronica Mars, The OC, The Sopranos, Curb your Enthusiasm and probably a few others. I notice The Simpsons just isn’t that good any more.

Football: Some frustrating times for Arsenal. Many poor performances this season. Some signs of recent revival however.

Writing about Sex

I just wrote a story for Skin Two, the world's best known fetish/BDSM magazine. The story will be printed in the next issue, number 57, to be published in January.

Skin Two has a lot of glamorous fetish photography, but I also noticed, while perusing the last issue, that it doesn't shy away from the hard-core sex element of fetish. So I didn't want my story to shy away from that either, though I also wanted it to remain light and amusing. I think it worked quite well. Anyway, you can read it in January if you want.

So I expect a lot of people who look like this will soon be beating a path to my door, which is fine with me.

At the weekend I had a nice time at a book launch for Coven of One by Kate Bousfield. The event was organised by Debi Alper.

There's been a small gap in the availability of the import of The Good Fairies of New York in Britain, as the book sold out in the USA. However, it's being reprinted, and should be available again any time now. (Official release date in Britain is March. Hmm. That seems like a long time away.)

What else have I been doing? Well, watching football. Arsenal beat Spurs and then had a good draw with Chelsea, so I'm no longer feeling so depressed about football. But we have a tough match away to Wigan on Wednesday.

And watching TV. I watched Woody Allen's Manhattan, which I haven't seen for a while. I'd forgotten what a great film it is. I'm a fan of Woody Allen. Hannah and Her Sisters is another favourite, and Deconstructing Harry.

And I managed the scary process of buying a new battery - from China - for my iBook, and installing it without destroying my laptop. A small triumph, as I am very incompetent at all technical matters. I love my iBook, but it's becoming out of date now. I'd like a new Macbook, but can't afford it.