Led Zeppelin, Agoraphobia

Last night BBC2 showed Celebration Day, the Led Zeppelin re-union concert, from their gig in London in 2007. I really enjoyed watching it, though I think it was a shortened version of the film. I was entranced at the sight of Led Zeppelin onstage again. 35 years after their heyday, and with their original drummer no longer around, Led Zeppelin were still brilliant. When Jimmy Page brought out the violin bow to make weird noises on his guitar - always one of my favourite moments - I had a strong vision of being very young again, and watching them live in Glasgow, as I did, in 1972.

Because of the concert on BBC, 'Led Zeppelin' was trending in Britain on Twitter. Most comments were favourable, of course, from people of all ages. I noticed one sub-strand of these tweets, from girls talking about their fathers, saying things like 'Just arrived home to find Dad blaring out Led Zeppelin in the living room' or 'Dad is downstairs playing air-guitar in front of Led Zeppelin on the TV.'

I thought that was funny, the image of fathers around the country still transfixed by the mighty Led Zeppelin, while their daughters looked on with amusement. Fortunately, all the daughters' tweets about their dads seemed sympathetic, if amused.

But the TV concert gave me a bad memory too. When Led Zeppelin played in London, in 2007, it sold out immediately, and it was hard to get a ticket. Only last month I was talking to someone who told me how difficult he'd found it to get to the gig. Well, I was offered a ticket by a journalist friend, but I couldn't go, because my agoraphobia was too severe at the time. At that point in 2007, I could hardly leave the house. So that's not a great memory. I wish I'd been able to go. My agoraphobia is not so bad these days, though it still troubles me quite a lot.

Watching the gig on TV, I almost fulfilled something from my book 'Suzy, Led Zeppelin and Me,' when I said that I planned, in later life, to get a DVD of Led Zeppelin, put it on, and pretend I was a teenager again, watching them in Glasgow. Last night I came quite close to doing just that, putting the lights off in the room so I could watch it like I was at a gig, and turning it up loud. I'd have lit some incense if I'd thought about it, and bought a load of cheap, strong, Scottish beer to get me in the right mood. But even without the beer and the incense, I felt very cheerful watching led Zeppelin, 35 years on.

Suzy, Led Zeppelin and Me - amazon.co.uk, amazon.com, kindle

Forum per fans italiani di Ragazze Lupo

An Italian reader tells me she's started a forum for Ragazze Lupo, the Italian version of Lonely Werewolf Girl. It's here. So if you happen to be Italian, I recommend going and registering and leaving some posts on her forum.

My agent has sold rights for Chinese translations of Lonely Werewolf Girl and The Good Fairies of New York. Well, when I say Chinese I mean complex, or traditional, Chinese, which is used for writing in Taiwan, Macau and Hong Kong. As opposed to Mainland China, which writes with simplified Chinese. (I may have got this completely wrong, and just insulted billions of Chinese. If so, I apologise) But anyway, some Chinese versions of these books will appear in a while, which is all to the good.

I was obliged to do some travelling, for family reasons. This was extremely stressful. When it was over I sank onto the couch in front of the TV and resolved never to move again. I will spend the rest of my life slumped on the couch watching TV. Watched Spiderman 3. Terrible film. Hurled abuse at the screen during some particularly awful scenes. Was mollified by old episodes of Star Trek Voyager, during which I continued to lust after Seven of Nine in a cheerfully nerdish manner.

Among the multitude of household accidents to which I'm prone, I think the 'bike pedal against ankle' is the most painful. You leave your bike in the hall and walk past it without thinking, and then your ankle crashes into the pedal. It's so painful. I seem to do it quite often. Suspect I have clumsy genes, for which there is no cure.

Obsessive Sticker Disorder

Last week in the comic shop, I wasn't quite sure if I'd already bought one of their issues of Naruto. The assistant offered to put it aside for me, so I could check, and then buy it later if need be.

I found later at home that I did have that issue, but hadn't got round to reading it yet. But I noticed something amiss. The issue in the shop had been wrapped in plastic. My copy wasn't wrapped. It could mean only one thing. Another 'missing stickers' scandal. I knew the issue in the shop had free stickers in it, but the one they sold me didn't have them.

I felt perturbed at this. I wondered if I should ask them to change it. But they wouldn't do that if I read it first. I'm not very good at reading anything and keeping it in good condition. So I left it unread for a whole week, which was quite frustrating.

The week went by and it was time or my next visit to my therapist, for agoraphobia, which is the only time I come close to the comic shop. I've been trying to make this journey on the bus recently, and have had some small success. These bus journeys have been a definite improvement, which is one reason to keep going, much as I dislike my therapist.

Anyway. I put the manga in my bag and set off. I'm always anxious on buses these days, though I never used to be. I got on the bus and it was quite crowded, which makes it worse. There was a small infant on a woman's lap, next to me. At the next stop, another mother struggled on with a pushchair containing another infant. Both small children looked at each other quite enthusiastically, and then embarked on a prolonged screaming competition. Between them, the two infants managed to make an extraordinary amount of noise.

Some way into the screaming competition, the bus ground to a halt at a temporary traffic-lights at some road works, and just sat there for ages. Feeling anxious from agoraphobia, and with children and babies all over the bus now screaming the place down, I didn't feel too great, all in all. (Though I try not to get too annoyed at screaming infants, out of sympathy with their harassed mothers. If it was me in charge of the infant, I'd be hopeless at it.) When I eventually reached my destination I lurched off the bus, more or less defeated by life.

If you arrive gloomy or anxious at my therapist's building it's not the sort of place to cheer you up. It's actually a small National Health Service mental institution; a grimy, run-down 19th century building which looks like it was built for incarcerating criminals. Behind locked doors there are some seriously disturbed people there, and you meet them sometimes, wandering the corridors. In the waiting room, it's not much better. People talking to the air, people standing facing the walls, people who've been shepherded there by some weary relative, and just sit there looking lost.

It's a really grim place. And I don't like my therapist at all. I'd like to ask for a different therapist but this would no doubt lead to me being put on a waiting list for several more years. We sat and talked for a while. I was bored, and still not recovered from the anxiety of the journey. Most of the time I was wondering if I should ask the comic shop to change my manga for the one with free stickers.

Points against - the shop assistants may think I'm an idiot.

Points for - I'll get the free stickers.

Points against - I am really too old to be worrying about free stickers.

Points for - I want the stickers.

Points against - They might refuse, leading to ugly scenes. May never be able to return after flouncing out in a bad mood.

I still want the stickers. Made up my mind to raise the issue. After all, I buy their comics every week. Entered shop, walked to the counter, and immediately raised the subject, in a polite manner. After some initial resistance - the assistant asking me if I have a receipt for the issue I've got, and me saying no but I'm in here every week and you probably recognise me - they were quite nice about it. Friendly, even. They exchanged my unread copy for the one wrapped in plastic, containing stickers. I was pleased. Slightly humiliated, but pleased.

I took the bus back home, stopping off at the supermarket where I bought a rhubarb crumble, also satisfactory, because there have been recent disappointments. Arrived home with comic feeling worn out. Stupid therapy. Maybe I should have discussed the 'free stickers' problem with her. But I don't think I tell my therapist anything that's really important to me.

Missing Stickers

My new Naruto manga is wrapped in plastic, which is unusual. Inside there are free stickers. Aha. The plastic wrapping was to prevent unscrupulous people from stealing the stickers in the shop. But what's this? A list of the four editions of Naruto that include free stickers.

I read the list. There should have been free stickers in issue 18. I bought issue 18 from this shop. There weren't any stickers in my copy. I inquire at the counter. They don't know anything about it. I let the matter go. After all, I'm too old and mature to be worrying about free stickers.

But really, I'm not pleased. I want my free stickers. Arrive home quite dissatisfied. You can't just sell comics minus the free stickers. It's not right. I wonder if I could write to the publisher and ask for them?

'Dear Sirs, the children at my local orphanage were very disappointed not to receive their free stickers from Naruto volume 18...'

Despite sticker disappointment, I was quite pleased about successful excursion, having managed to travel a short distance on a bus and not feel too bad about it. Agoraphobia generally still a big problem. May be slightly improving. Find email from my agent about upcoming French book-deal for The Good Fairies of New York. Good, I've never made that much progress in France before.

Get on internet to investigate whole 'free stickers' scandal. Discover that other people did get them. Hmm. My mouse suddenly stops working. How annoying. Try shaking it. No effect. Try poking it, but there's nothing really to poke on an optical mouse. No moving parts. Poke it anyway. No effect. Shake it around. Tap it on the desk. Still not working. Shake it again. Hit it firmly. No improvement. Beat it angrily against the wall. Mouse disintegrates. Use track-pad on laptop to order new mouse from computer store.

I want these Naruto stickers. I bought the comic. I should have them. It's lucky I'm not the sort of person to obsess about this sort of thing.

Films Comics Therapy

While meandering round the comic shop after a frankly unsatisfactory session with my therapist - this woman may cause me to progress from being agoraphobic to actually being a hermit - the theme music from Buffy the Vampire Slayer suddenly started playing. I was pleased. So pleased in fact that I launched into a Buffy conversation with the shop assistant standing beside me. But this did not go well. He wasn't a fan of Buffy, and furthermore he obviously had no desire to discuss it with a stranger who was apparently prepared for an in-depth analysis of all 144 episodes. He backed off rapidly, leaving me rather embarrassed. I realised ruefully that assistants in comic shops have no desire to engage in tedious conversations with over-enthusiastic customers. Which is understandable, I suppose. Probably if I worked in a comic shop I'd hate the customers. I left the shop quickly, still feeling quite embarrassed.

Last week I signed a film option for Lonely Werewolf Girl. I've signed many film options for my books in the past, and no film has ever appeared. It's difficult for producers to raise the necessary money. This producer however is very enthusiastic, with a good track record, and I do have faith in her. So perhaps she might succeed. But I won't expect too much, because of past disappointments. The American producers who currently hold the option for The Good Fairies of New York are still optimistic of making progress, though nothing much seems to have happened yet.

I've taken a violent dislike to my website, and am now attempting to redesign it. This is a challenge, as I have no art or design skills. Still, I've never let this stop me in the past.

Heating engineers currently 'waiting for parts'. Hah.

Zap! Boom!

This week I've been limping around with a sore hip, the result of either 1) Old age creeping up on me, or 2) Heroic sexual performance with supermodels - I'll let you decide - but anyway, one place I limped around was the comic shop in Croydon.

That was a long journey by my standards, and one that I wouldn't have made, except I started at a new therapist in Croydon last week. This is again courtesy of the National Health Service, which means it's rather like receiving therapy in a welfare office. In fact, I've been in more attractive welfare offices. I'm hoping it does the agoraphobia some good anyway. I haven't made any progress with my agoraphobia for some time.

I felt obligated to buy myself stuff on the way home as a reward for my efforts. Hence the visit to the comic shop. Emerged with bundle of Japanese manga, which I'm enjoying. I was confused at first till I realised these comics had to be read backwards. It does tell you this on the cover but I didn't notice for a while. As a result of enjoying this manga I've also taken to watching anime on TV. And this has been a good way of spending time, because obviously I don't want to sit at my computer and write anything.

There was an earthquake in Britain on Tuesday night. I felt it, but here in London we were far from the epicentre and I didn't even realise the vibration was an earthquake. At first I thought it was me, having some sort of seizure, which was worrying, then I thought it must be some giant vehicle going past outside, or maybe some neighbour's boiler about to explode. The vibrating didn't last for long. By natural disaster standards, I suppose this was a small event, though it was worse in other places. Still, it's the first earthquake I've ever felt.

Thraxas

With regard to the blog below, here's an update, written on 25 August, 2012 - I've been working on a ninth Thraxas book. This has been going well, and I hope to have it published as an ebook before the end of the year.
-----------------------

I get a lot of email about Thraxas, the series I wrote under the name of Martin Scott. And a lot of people leave messages on the Thraxas website, asking about the next book. So I thought I'd write a blog about it, so as I can have somewhere to refer people, when they ask about it.

The situation with Thraxas is: I wrote eight books in the series. They were published by Orbit in Britain, Baen in the USA, and quite a lot of other publishers around the world. The first book won the World Fantasy Award, and Thraxas has been translated a lot.

However. Orbit didn't want to publish a ninth book. Baen did, but after a long time, contract negotiation between my agent and Baen broke down. This was over a rights dispute, rather than money. I'm not going to go against my agent on this. You can't just give a publisher whatever they want in a contract.

So. I thought both Orbit and Baen did a good job with their publishing of Thraxas, but at present there is no publisher for a ninth book.

There is another side to all this. Really, in the past couple of years, I haven't paid as much attention to Thraxas as I should have. A few years ago I was overwhelmed by agoraphobia. At the same time, my writing career took a nosedive, leaving me without a publisher for anything, including any books under the name of Martin Millar, all of which went out of print. When this happened, I found it hard to get going on anything.

After some time, I got things moving again with the publication of Lonely Werewolf Girl. This has gone very well, but it took all my attention. More or less at the same time, Soft Skull in the USA re-printed The Good Fairies of New York. This has also gone well. So, writing career now going rather better.

However, given the agoraphobia, and general career problems, I didn't have enough energy to really apply myself to Thraxas. Possibly if I had I'd have sorted something out. But for the immediate future, there isn't any prospect of a ninth book coming out. I regret this, but I don't feel too badly about it. Having eight books published in the series was quite a success really, more than I expected when I wrote the first one. Thraxas is a fine character and I'm pleased to have unleashed him on the world.

In other news, I'll soon sign a contract for a Greek edition of Lonely Werewolf Girl. Next year should see its publication in the USA, Italy and Greece.

Buffy Comic Crisis

Something of a panic in the Millar household this week, as I realised I'd missed the new Buffy the Vampire Slayer comics. I did know that Joss Wheddon's new series was on its way, but I thought that meant some indeterminate time in the future. Not right now. Not until someone reminded me about it in my blog, did it occur to me that they'd actually been published.

Well, this was a problem. With my agoraphobia, I'm not in range of any comic shops. I phoned up Forbidden Planet and was horrified to learn that issues one and two had sold out, and they weren't expecting any more in!

This led to a burst of frantic activity not seen within these walls for several years. Though I'm quite capable of staring into space for days at a time, I was galvanised into taking some firm action. Within minutes I was on eBay. And, even though I don't find eBay that easy to use, I located issues one and two and bought them immediately. Then I called the comic shop and placed a subscription so I'll get the rest of the comics delivered.

I regarded all this as strong, forceful, and decisive behaviour. When a Buffy crisis appeared, I rose to the challenge, and solved it instantly. If the United Nations needed a commissioner to look after World Buffy affairs, I'm sure I could qualify for the post.

Issues one and two arrived through my letterbox yesterday. All is right with the world again.

The launch for my new book Lonely Werewolf Girl will be at the Boogaloo Club in Archway Road on the 12th June. More on this later. (Will it be a problem for me, getting to the Archway Road? Yes, a big problem.)

Great Sock Crisis

Being agoraphobic, I don't do much shopping. There's a supermarket nearby, so I can buy food, but at present I can't travel much further than that.

This led, inevitably, to the Great Sock Crisis which threatened to overwhelm me recently. I discovered I had hardly any left. Some had worn out, some had been transported to different dimensions via the washing machine, and I suspect the rest may have been hidden by mischievous house fairies.

Yesterday I had to visit the dentist, a longer journey than I normally make, and not one I relish. Fortunately, this dental visit involved no pain or suffering. I was in and out quickly. Emboldened by this, rather than hurrying home as quickly as I could, I rushed to the Marks and Spencer in Brixton and loaded up with supplies, ending the sock crisis with a decisive purchase of a seven-pack of cotton-rich footwear. Feet are now well supplied with comfy new attire.

That was good. But by this time I really felt I'd been out the house too long, and I became more anxious, and had to hurry home.

So. A small success. Though as you can tell, I'm not making much progress with the agoraphobia. Self-help is not really going well. I'm on a waiting list for more therapy, but I've no idea when it will arrive.

A new Buffy comic, written by Joss Whedon, is on the way! This is quite an exciting development in the Buffyworld. I've never really taken to the Buffy comics before, but it's good to hear that Joss is now going to continue the slayer-story after the end of the TV series. No doubt I will have a lot more to say about this later. Endless amounts, probably. OK, I will never stop going on about it.

Good Fairies in Transylvania / agoraphobia

The Good Fairies of New York will be published in Romania next year, so the fairies will soon be fluttering their way over Transylvania. I'm pleased at this, though I doubt it will earn me any money. It seems like a long time since I actually earned any money. Did I mention my career hadn't gone well in recent years?

* yes, several times. *

Well, I just thought I'd mention it again. It is my blog after all, and I'm entitled to complain about stuff.

Not unconnected to career not going well, I once more failed in a bus journey, being defeated by agoraphobia. This definitely has the upper hand at the moment. Ho Hum.

Agoraphobia didn't exactly prevent me from writing - in fact you might think it would give me a lot of time for it - but the attendant anxiety did, and the OCD, which seemed to come with it. I did mean to write something in these blogs about OCD, but so far I haven't got round to it. It's a strange condition though, and difficult to explain. Fortunately, I've found it more susceptible to therapy and self-help than the agoraphobia, so it's a good deal better than it used to be.

Also fortunately, I don't suffer from depression. In fact, I'm a reasonably optimistic person. I'm sure the re-emergence of The Good Fairies, and the upcoming appearance of Lonely Werewolf Girl, will greatly improve things, leading to fame, money, and a sordid affair with Angelina Jolie, carried out in motel rooms while Brad is away in Africa, adopting more children.

Mention of Transylvania reminds me that Buffy actually met Dracula one time. Not one of my favourite episodes, but not as bad as I feared it might be. A few days ago I came across Buffy on Sky, and, once more, was unable to resist watching, though it was again an episode I've seen many times. The Prom. Ah. The Buffy prom was so great, I couldn't do it justice here.

Here's a moment that never fails to bring a tear to my eye, as Jonathan presents Buffy with the Class Protector Award.

Unanswered questions from this episode - who was Jonathan's date? How did he find someone to take to the prom?