Saturday, July 19, 2008

Pears. Hah.

Am currently feeling annoyed about pears. What use are they? You buy a pear and it's always too hard to eat, so you leave it in the kitchen for a while and when you check it, it's still too hard. And then you turn your back for five minutes and next thing you know it's turned into some blackened, soggy mess and you have to throw it out. There must be about three minutes in the life of a pear when it's actually fit to eat. The rest of the time it's either too hard or it's gone rotten. I'm never buying another pear. As a fruit it's completely hopeless. The only thing that would make it worthwhile would be if they had some sort of alarm attached.

Suffered a complete catastrophe with Avatar Playstation game, when I over-wrote the wrong game memory. An elementary beginner's mistake which I thought I wouldn't make any more. But I was wrong. I lost loads of progress in the game. Was disgusted. Went grumpily to my computer to write something, but really I wanted to be playing my Avatar game. Stared at computer screen with loathing. It's lousy being an author. If it wasn't for all the sex with the world's most glamorous women, I probably wouldn't do it at all. Remembered that new Buffy comic had arrived that very morning, so abandoned computer with relief and read Buffy instead. Warren is back. Hmm. I'm not that keen on him as a villain. But I like that Amy the witch is still around, because she's been in Buffy ever since episode three of season one, and that's a long time.


  1. Hi Martin. Just to let you know that when it comes to pears as well as avocados that are not mature enough to eat, the best thing to do is to wrap the fruit for 2 to 3 days in newspaper. Leave it in a dark place and voila! After a few days is ready to eat!

  2. i was going to tell you that my mother used to wrap unripe fruit in newspaper and put it in our rice bin. i dont know why but it seemed to work. but ale beat me to it.

  3. And I was going to say the same...We do that with Mangos here, which are SO inferior to those in the UK,that I don't know where to start...

    I have never had a chance to watch Buffy, but we just acquired the ox set recently and I am so looking forward to it...

  4. So, it seems that wrapping unripe fruit in newspaper is strongly recommended. I'll try this. But I'm wondering if it will still ripen unexpectedly, and then go off before I remember about it? Perhaps I just have to pay closer attention.

  5. Anonymous1:18 pm

    Putting a banana with your pear(s) will also make them (the pears0 ripen - you don't have to wrap them up so you may be less likely to overlook them, too. (of course, then you have to the banana, too...)

    Is the leg better? We're in suspense out here!

  6. You'd still have to check it every day.
    Pears are indeed very fragile and best eaten off the tree. But few of us have pear trees in our garden. Or have gardens for that matter.

  7. Anonymous6:51 pm

    Warren can't be back. I haven't reached that point in the series yet, but I've been given to understand that Willow will be taking his skin off within the next twelve (or so) episodes.

    But you're quite right about pears. Pears are rubbish. I never eat them unless they are pressed on me by solicitous host-type people.

  8. Martin, it's entirely possible that one of these Super Models who are after you might well make a good PA.

    It is completely in the Job Description (Page 20 paragraph 5) of a PA to check for rotting fruit and to serve it to you at exactly the correct moment. Trust me. I know this.

  9. HI Jenny, yes it's a shocking scene when Willow finally confronts Warren!

    Lorraine, I've tried asking the supermodels to keep an eye on the fruit, but you know, they're just not that reliable.

  10. Whilst in a state of recumbency on your settee why not invent your own wee pear alarm? Could be hours of fun n the making....

  11. Pears are gritty and weird anyway. You're better off without them.
    Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I am so veryvery happy I chanced upon "Lonely Teenage Werewolf" about a month ago in the bookstore. I am reading it right now and I think it may be my new favorite thing ever. I admit that I do have a tendency to hyperbolize, but I can't remember enjoying a book even half as much as this one since I read "Good Omens". Every character I find interesting (if not outright adore- Dominil, Malveria and of course Kalix come to mind), there isn't a sngle chapter which I start to read and think "oh, no, not more of this boring plot thread"'s all got me hooked. And the best part is I'm about four-fifths done and I can't even guess how everything is going to wrap up! I also think that the way you describe the werewolves is pretty near perfect. As a longtime werewolf fan, one of my few pet peeves with "Buffy" (and you are also obsessed with "Buffy" and rhubarb crumble? It's like we share a heart or something) was how Oz turned into a hairy monkey-man thing. Your werewolves are gorgeous. It also gave me chills how Kalix's eating disorder was affected by her transforming into a werewolf, it just rings so true to me. All in all, thank you for being fabulous, and I can't wait for the next Kalix book I hope you're writing!


  12. Peaches do this too. Of course, I also play an odd cat and mouse game with the chipmunks that eat my ripe tomatoes..I have to wait and pick them when they just start to ripen (too soon and they never ripen, too late and..well..they're gone). Some days it seems fresh produce is hardly worth the effort.

    Lonely Werewolf Girl was not only amazing and wonderful and grand, but it saved me from killing a few really annoying people this past month. I'd smile politely, leave the room, grab the book and walk down to the beach and dive back into the story. Thank you!

  13. KK I'd like a pear alarm, but think how difficult it would be. I'd need a government grant, definitely.

    Keelamari, you're so right about the werewolves in Buffy. Oz really should have been better when he transformed. He should have looked better and been a more interesting character instead of just a savage beast. It was a blemish on a great show.

    Amysue, I'm thinking of moving on to peaches, though I suspect I might just suffer the same fate with them, and find them blackened in the fruit bowl. Not that I actually have a dedicated fruit bowl. Still, it's a relief to know that Lonely Werewolf Girl preveted you from killing some annoying people. I have done some good in the world!

  14. You know all is this pear talk is making me suspicious. I think you are indeed doing your own bit of market reasearch for the aforementioned alarm.
    I've seen your photo and you are looking more than a little preoccupied. Having problems with the sticky back plastic?