Sunday, June 13, 2010

Mysterious Painted Mark

Outside the front door of my block there are some small metal covers, all marked 'stopcock.' Recently one of these metal covers has been mysteriously painted blue. I'm very suspicious about this. Why has it happened?

I walked down the block, looking at the other entrances. There are similar small metal covers on the pavement outside other doors. None of them have been painted blue. Or painted at all.

It all seems very suspicious to me. And a little worrying. What can it mean? At present, I'm leaning towards it being a signal to aliens. At this moment, they might be looking at my front door through giant telescopes, and thinking 'that's the place.'

Less likely, but not impossible, assassins have marked my flat for a sudden deadly strike.

Could it be a secret sign, like in The Hobbit, when Gandalf scratches a mark on Bilbo's door, and all the dwarves arrive, thinking Bilbo is an expert treasure hunter? Hmmm. Actually, I've always thought that was quite likely to happen to me one day. I'm sort of expecting to have to help dwarves battle a dragon at some time or other.

It all bodes ill. Secret and mysterious marks outside your house can't be good. I don't like it.


  1. Anonymous12:31 pm

    a very Kurt Vonnegut situation...

  2. Anonymous1:39 pm

    I blame the council.

  3. Scotty Riopel2:11 pm

    Martin, it very well could be that underground cabal of licentious Easter egg painters marking your abode for a guerilla infiltration and, consequently, deployment of vast amounts of WMD's (Weally Messy Deviled Eggs, the 'E' is invisible, hence the 'guerilla').

    Stay alert.
    Remain vigilant.
    Purchase mass quantities of crackers.

  4. Actually this looks more like an escape route. For invaders the sign would underneath the plaque.
    No not aliens but thieves or murderers in flight instead. Feeling better?

  5. perhaps it has to do with the new Smurf movie. perhaps that is the first round, painted only near authors. Why now have he who did Tank Girl do the Smurfs. seems rational to me.

  6. OMG it's the Milk Marketing Board! You might want to purchase a carton of milk just for show. ;)

  7. The Milk Marketing board have been after me for a long time... damn them...

    Spacedlaw, I'm not convinced it's an escape route, it's too small and sinister.

    I wouldn't mind if it were Smurfs. Unless the blue stain is blood from a slaughtered Smurf, of course.

    Scotty, I will look out for eggs. Who knows what I might be up against here?

  8. Flat hat11:54 pm

    Thinks : maybe you should try an' scrub it off with some white spirit an' a nailbrush then purchase a pot of paint in the same blue and paint one of your neighbours' stopcock covers. All you'd have to do then is watch and wait and see what happens to the unsuspecting neighbour.

  9. Yay! There are more books written by you that I can hunt for! This will partially make up for the lack of further books in the Thraxas series!

  10. Flathat, I like your cunning suggestion.

  11. Trudy & the lovehearts8:16 pm

    Martin, there's good news and there's bad news. The good news is your talent has been recognised and your home has been nominated for the covetous English Heritage Blue Plaque. The bad news is due to the recession they can't afford blue plaques. Or ladders. So have resorted to blue spray paint.

    Congratulations and hope you enjoy all the lovely tourists who will be flocking to take a picture of your home. At least I hope they'll be tourists and not pack of dwarves in search of your dragon slaying assistance...

  12. Anonymous11:46 am

    Maybe the cover is sad and want the world to know...that it's blue *ba da bum tchhhh*

  13. I just saw a preview for the smurf movie, and it reminded me of "Good Fairies of New York" more than it should have. Apparently, the plot is that they find a portal to Central Park and are soon followed by Gargamel.

    Ignore my comment about the having you write the book for it, I think you already did, just not PG

  14. Anonymous1:00 am

    Probably the Water board or Fire Brigade