Friday, April 16, 2010

Buried Under Volcanic Ash

I write this blog to say farewell to my readers, before London is buried under a giant cloud of volcanic ash. This, I imagine, is only a matter of time. With the volcano in Iceland still spewing debris into the air, and the enormous cloud heading our way, I have abandoned all hope of survival.

Future generations may dig me out one day, a relic of the past. I hope when the time comes, and the great cloud engulfs me, that I'm not doing anything humiliating. If I'm going to be dug up in the future and displayed as a museum exhibit, I don't want to be captured for eternity in the toilet. I'd like to be engaged in something more dignified. Reading maybe, or playing my playstation. That would be OK. Or a lover's embrace, perhaps. That wouldn't be such a bad way to go.

So, farewell. I will attempt to go out with dignity, like Pliny the Elder who died heroically, attempting to rescue people stranded at Herculaneum by the eruption of Mount Vesuvius which buried Pompeii. I didn't expect to end my days at the hands of an Icelandic volcano, but you can never really predict the future. Damn these Icelanders and their volcanos.


  1. Anonymous11:35 pm

    yea more pudding for me :)

  2. Hope Curse of the Wolf Girl / Queen Vex is as good as the first one, if you need to go the posthumous route for the book, best it to be a great one.

  3. Here lies Martin Millar curled up around a pile of his beloved Buffy comics...
    Naaah. Better survive.

  4. I will go down bravely, surrounded by Buffy memorabilia.

  5. I think the ash is going to drift gently down, so you should have time to arrange yourself in a suitably heroic and memorable pose.
    And on the bright side, the risk of being killed by a block of ice falling from a jet-plane must have decreased significantly, don't you think?

  6. Sarah7:57 pm

    Try and go like Spike, Half-shirted in cruciform position, howling at hell. SO much cooler than all those people in Pompeii who just curled up and let it happen.

  7. Staring at the maelstrom of destruction in front of him he grins sardonically, the same
    old Spike to the last. "I want to see how it ends."

  8. Yes, Spike would be an excellent role model for this. Though I'm not sure if I could match his final heroism.

  9. Did you get buried? I worry becuase you have gone silent. Please tell us you're still alive?

  10. Hey Martin,

    If needed ... I can send the Good Fairies of "Upstate" New York to keep you safe from danger. They have special powers to keep away the volcanic ash. Plus, they would love you to read them some new chapters of your upcoming novel :]

    Wishing you the very best,
    Love and Peace,
    Dee Marie

  11. Aw hell. Is pompeii such a bad way to go? I saw on QI last night that their murals were full of shagging. Makes me think there might be something in the message from the mad mullahs about how the Bam earthquake was caused by loose women.