Saturday, December 19, 2009

Injured by Slippers

I've always avoiding buying or wearing slippers. Even when the temperature plummeted I've know that if I ever wore slippers, something bad would happen. Mainly, I'd turn immediately into an old man, shuffling around, probably complaining about stuff.

Glamorous movie stars would cease to visit me. I would no longer be welcome at London's most fashionable nightspots.

However. Right now it's really cold in London. Walking round my flat, my feet are cold. I tried wearing shoes but I don't like wearing shoes indoors. At the supermarket, in their small clothes section, I noticed some slippers. I looked at them sort of longingly, thinking it would be nice to have warm feet, but I hesitated. I knew it was a big decision. I almost resisted, thinking 'I will never wear these comfy tartan footwear items' when I noticed that one of the pairs of slippers was sort of moccasin-shaped. Nice and fluffy inside, but not really looking too much like slippers really. If challenged, I could possibly deny they were slippers at all.

So, furtively, checking no one was looking, I slipped them in my basket, then headed for a checkout point. I felt quite guilty about the whole thing. On the other hand, London is knee-deep in snow these days, and my flat does suffer from drafts.

Back home I put on the slippers. They were very warm. And did look quite like moccasins. Not too slipper-like. I thought I might get away with it. Possibly I would not turn into an old person overnight.

However. There was a slight feeling of discomfort in one foot. I'd bought my normal size, but they felt a bit tight round the toe. Maybe because they were so fluffy inside. I ignored this, because my feet were very warm. This turned out to be a terrible mistake. When I took them off at the end of the day I noticed my toe was quite sore, and next morning it was even sorer. For some reason , wearing this slightly-too-tight slipper seemed to have crushed my toe into my foot, causing pain in the joint and tendon, and this pain didn't just go away as I might have expected. Next morning my foot was really painful, all the way up the tendon.

I stared morosely at my feet. Now not only were they cold, they were sore too. I limped around the house the whole day, complaining about stuff. I knew it was my own fault really. I knew bad things would happened if I ever wore slippers. Now I'm practically crippled. How could an overly-snug slipper cause such damage? I may never walk properly again. Damn my lack of self-control.


  1. I always had a nagging feeling that something good would happen if I insulated my flat. I imagined walking past the door and not feeling the icy breeze whistling in, and wondered what it would be like to cook in the kitchen without getting really cold feet.

    Then one day I stuck a strip of stuff on the bottom of the flat door, plus more strips of stuff around some other doors. The icy drafts dissappeared and the gas company owes me £200. And I don't have to wear slippers!

  2. I love my slippers. I've worn slippers around the house forever. warm and comfy. I've never had a slipper-related injury. I suppose it is years of training and experience, of knowing what a slipper can and cannot do. Know your slipper limits.

  3. johnny grant9:27 pm

    I wear slippers, well mocassins! black sued with a soft white lining, and they are very comfy and warm.I don't care how old slippers are supposed to make one feel.I have been wearing them for years, so maybe thats why I haven't really noticed the grumpy, moaning faced old fkr I might have become.Infact they are probably essential for some of my ranting Martin.. haha rap up and be warm mate.

  4. Anonymous12:05 am

    I hope you've discarded your slippers instead of leaving them on the floor. My slipper related injuries happen when I toss them off and later trip over them. I realize it takes a special kind of person to trip on their slippers but I can live with that. I love the idea of slippers, though, which is why I continue to purchase them. Still, I always end up in thick pair of woolen socks and have had no regrets.

  5. Anonymous9:13 am

    Get a pair of leather mocassins, instead! And have them made just for you. Then you'll not be old, but still have warm feet! :)

  6. Johnny, I never knew you wandered round your house in slippers. You'd better not wear them to any of your punk gigs, they'll throw you out!

  7. That's how punk Johnny is Martin, he doesn't even conform to even their standards! I have a pair of kung-fu slippers, the same type that the great Bruce Lee wore.

  8. You see what happened? You foretold the future Mr Millar. You knew you'd buy slippers, wear slippers and complain about stuff. Slippers are evil EVIIIIIIIILLLL!!!!!

    Tip: Try those socks with the grips on the bottom or just some thick boot socks from some camping store.

  9. Anonymous1:19 pm

    I bought some of those sock with toes. All my toes are different colours and I now sit on my sofa staring at my brightly coloured toes and giggling. This may not be an improvement on slipper-related madness