Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I just bought some new sheets, a duvet, and a duvet cover (and there is nothing more fascinating than a blog about bedding) For no good reason I persuaded myself that these new items should all be anti-allergic. Because think how harmful normal bedding might be. Even though I've used it all my life with no ill effects whatsoever.

Anyway, the new sheets and duvet arrived, all hypo-allergenic. They're all fine, except I didn't realise they were going to be so dazzlingly white. My new hypo-allergenic bedding is very white indeed. It's like being in some sort of science project. I feel like I'm going to bed in a sleep-clinic. Or maybe some sort of space-capsule. It's a little disconcerting. But at least there is no chance of a serious night time allergic attack.

More good news arrives with the reports of the health benefits of masturbation. Protects you against prostate cancer. It's a scientific fact. Hmm. Excuse me a moment.






Ok, where was I? I know. My publisher sent me a picture of my books on sale in a bookstore in Hawaii. Is Hawaii where you get these flower things you hang round your neck? I can't remember what they're called. I'd like one anyway.

Here's the picture. You can tell it's Hawaii from the beaches, palm trees, exotic flowers and so on.


  1. You can always get a duvet cover that isn't white you know...

    Maybe that Hawaian book shelf is made of exotic wood?

  2. Have a virtual Lei . (I think that's waht they'er called, and it is Hawaii, although they may happen elsewhere as well, for all I know. May your books continue to spread to all nations of the world!

    Of course, the whole bedding thing may come undone if you turn out to be allergic to brilliant white....

    Maybe you could draw Werewolves on it with hypo-allergenic ink to counteract the whiteness.

  3. One handed blogging ftw!

  4. I was going to write 'get a groovy duvet cover', but it seems someone has already said it.

    Tip: Even at the heights of laziness, don't forget to put a duvet cover on your duvet. Abstaining from this practice for numerous weeks causes aforementioned duvet to become very gradually stained with night-time perspirations. And can you fit a whole duvet into your washing machine? Only if you have a huge washing machine. Or a small duvet.

    Personally I wouldn't be able to function adequately without my 'Simpsons funny faces' duvet cover. Nothing screams emotional maturity more than a piece of bedding based on cartoon characters. This duvet cover is an item which habitual and frequent use has led me to become unfortunately dependent upon. I'd like to get something a little sexier, but the muses of tradition are cruel and ill tempered mistresses.

    So, I say to some people - damn you! I care not for your stylish duvet preferences. Out, out! Why did I ever let you in my bedroom? Not to be ridiculed like this, no Sir. And they run... fearful into the cold air, bereft of shoes.

  5. But there is a problem here... the dazzling white duvet cover is part of the anti-allergy set. Putting another cover over might defeat the whole object of the exercise. OK it probably wouldn't.

    Marjorie - a lei, that's it, thanks for the reminder.

  6. Anonymous11:57 pm

    I lived in Hawaii when I was a kid, for a year or so. I always remember part of a song we had to learn for a show, it went like this.
    'May day is Lei day in Hawaii'.... oh, that's all I can remember.
    I am rather fond of daisy chains, a sort of British lei. In fact I make kick ass daisy chains.
    Alice X

  7. I would embrace the whole white sheets thing enthusiastically and pretend that I am in a 4 star hotel in a different location every night. Crisp white sheets, room service and elicit affairs... mmmm

  8. Hi Alice, I didn't know you'd once lived in Hawaii. Have you made a daisy chain recently?

    Ruby - Crisp white sheets, room service and elicit affairs... Hmm. Sounds good. But is life ever really like this?

  9. Fun thing about leis (besides the pun "getting lei'd") if you graduate from any school--high school, college--you will probably be covered up to your eyeballs in leis, and occasionally, small flotation toys. You can't mail fresh flower leis though, without getting an agriculture sticker.

  10. Gosh. There are so many innuendos in this blog and it's comments I don't have anything left to say. *sigh*
    Getting Lei'd
    Daisy chains
    Exotic wood
    Nightime sweating
    Prostate treatments

  11. Anita2:07 am

    crisp white sheets and illcit affairs in a hotel room does sound great but last time i was in a hotel room with crisp white sheets i was so happy to be in a quiet, clean space that i simply curled up and fell asleep. so much for the affair...
    and yes, im disappointed too that everyone else beat me to the innuendo.

  12. How fortunate that you have all your warm new bedding in time to curl up and keep warm in as you watch London grind to a halt due to snow...

    Hope you had a good stock of rhubarb crumble to keep you going ;-)

  13. adding to the innuendos or, rather, building on that "small flotation toys" can be a real treat when you're getting lei'd. Crisp white sheets and room service bringing rhubarb crumble should most definitely be in the mix.

  14. Robin6:46 pm

    Um... Hello!

    I was informed by a reliably tasty book that "If you like to read about weird private detectives surrounded by orcs, elves and dragons, Thraxas is right up your street." so I obediently plugged Martin Millar into google. I know you could probably think of better uses of time than googling unknown authors, but you know what? I am an exceedingly dull person and I did it anyway. I was just about to head of to bed in any event.

    That was hours ago. It is now three o'clock in the morning and I have read every one of your blog entries for the past couple years.

    Tomorrow I am going to take my greasy sweat stained little wallet into the city and buy as many of your novels as I can find. The rest I shall order, even though this could cause a serious mental breakdown. Ordering books from overseas in Australia has previously taken me so long that I start wondering if I should just have a European aquaintance dictate them over the phone.

    Anyway, I am sorry for burbling on like this. I was just going to go and discretely go and buy your books without any fuss, but the small online snippets of them that I have managed to find have fascinated me so much that I feel really really excited about the prospect.

    Thank you.