Friday, May 18, 2007

Defeated at breakfast

I made my way to the cereal shelf in Sainsbury to buy my customary large-size box of Shreddies. I eat Shreddies for breakfast, and have done so for some years. I completely depend on them, as previously I was unable to think of anything at all to eat for breakfast. I like having food I don't have to worry about.

To my dismay, though the shelves were bulging with various cereals, there were no Shreddies. I felt stricken, and scanned the shelves quite frantically. There were definitely no Shreddies there. I immediately felt gloomy. Other shoppers were forced to make detours around me as I stood there, shoulders drooping, faced with the prospect of trying to think of anything else to eat for breakfast, a task I knew I wasn't up to.

Eventually I settled on a packet of Malties, which are Sainsbury's own brand of Shreddies. I studied the packet very suspiciously, hunting for harmful ingredients, which I feel any unfamiliar food is bound to be full of. They hadn't actually listed anything harmful on the packet, but really I don't trust them. It was with a very heavy heart that I trudged home with the packet of Malties. Breakfast had been ruined, and everything else seemed bound to go wrong as a result.

No sooner had I arrived home with the hostile and unfamiliar breakfast cereal than news arrived that Veronica Mars had been cancelled. My favourite TV show, cut down after only three seasons. I felt a temporary rage at the TV executives who'd taken this monstrous decision, but it soon subsided into depression. No Shreddies, and no more episodes of Veronica Mars. I was defeated in life.

Have taken to lying on the couch with Buffy comics. No one can expect me to do otherwise. You can't be writing books when this sort of thing is going on.


  1. Anonymous2:05 am

    Frosted shreddies?

    At least you haven't been traded in for an older model!

  2. Oh dear, I feel your pain. Sainsbury's ran out of humous and pesto the other day, I suppose I could make it myself, but....

    Perhaps we should issue an embargo on Sainbury's - they seem to be slipping.

  3. No one should have to make their own humous and pesto! That's what we have supermarkets for. It's an outrage that they ran out.

  4. Martin, I'm a friend of your friend, the Great Glenn Gibson. But enough about that. I, too, am a Shreddies fan, and once faced a similar predicament. INstead of settling for an inferior, own-brand imitation, I simply went on a seek-and-steal mission around the aisles. I finally found someone who had the last pack of Shreddies in their trolley, waited for them to be distracted by a two-for-the-price-of-one offer in the canned veg section, and pounced.
    I console myself less with the knowledge that it technically wasn't theft - as neither of us had paid for our goods at the check-out yet - and more with the fact my 25-year-long daily devotion to the mighty Shreddie remained unbroken!